January 2012
24 posts
2 tags
the one that got away.
This post made me think of myself as a girlfriend in my last relationship. I think as a girlfriend, I was someone who wanted to be best friends before anything else; not “we’re together, and now we’re best friends”, but I wanna be that girl a guy can turn to when he needs someone to talk to. I want to legitimately be good friends with a guy before I start to like them, you...
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I am blessed
God manages to bring in all the right people into my life. I feel like every year, someone leave only for someone else to enter and ends up becoming significant in my life. And even though people leave, I’m thankful that each and every one of these people become a part of my life. Even if they’re only there temporarily. All of them teach me new things. So many of these people help me...
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D2L
Classes begin tomorrow and I don’t know where all of my classrooms are. I didn’t know my schedule until about 2 hours ago. I’m lucky that I don’t have my 8AM class tomorrow. This means Thursday will be gruesome! Today it finally hit me that I need to purchase text books, which a lot of people do after the first day of instruction to make sure the books really are required....
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Couples that suck.
I think the worst kind of relationships I’ve seen are the ones where people only care about their significant other and completely neglect their family and friends. A significant other is not guaranteed to stay. Family will always be there in a person’s life. Real friends will stay through thick and thin. But eventually, even family and friends dislike being neglected and being put...
Back to the dorms!
I’m back in my dorm and for the most part, I’m settled in. But reality hasn’t kicked in yet. Not until maybe next Monday. Tonight my roommate isn’t here and after watching The Help and Life As We Know It, Julie’s sleeping over because it’s 1AM and outside sounds scary. In a few days, reality will seep in…
College changes some people. Some for the better,...
Fingers Crossed
Now that my parents are more financially stable, things are going well. From about freshman year until senior year, my dad was having trouble with work. Factories all over were constantly being shut down and my dad was left jobless for a long period of time. He relied mainly on unemployment and the whole family mainly depended on my mom. She makes a good amount of money, which still meant I...
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I can’t paint beautiful landscapes and scenery. I’m not much of an artist. I’m not the greatest with colored pastels or markers, and I get impatient with colored pencils. I’m not the greatest at using a variety of colors and trying to blend them in. I used to sketch with only a pencil in my hand, leaving everything colorless. All I’d see were shades of grey, but...
4 tags
Story 3.
I woke up and everything prior to that moment felt hazy. Before making any sudden movements, I kept my eyes closed and attempted piecing together how I got to wherever I was. I didn’t even remember falling asleep or the last thing I had done. I could feel the warmth of the sun and even with my eyes shut, I could tell that I was somewhere bright. Finally, I opened my eyes. Everything was...
"I don't care."
I think one of the meanest things you could say about someone who is no longer significant in your life is, “I don’t care about them anymore”. To me, it just sounds so incredibly heartless. Maybe it’s just me, but once I let someone in, I will always care about them. I know I’m guilty of saying that about people too, but it’s only partially true. If someone was...
Sophomore Year
I got caught up in someone else’s problems that I let them become my own. I saw someone start to throw away their lives and the way I addressed it was mature, but it also made that person despise me. We stopped talking from then on. I couldn’t stand that he lied to me about so many things. I felt like we trusted one another. We’re only related through marriage, but I called him...
i ♥ my parents.
Now that break’s coming to an end, I’m realizing I’m going to miss my parents a lot more. When I first moved out, I was excited. Yeah, I knew I’d miss my parents, but my relationship with them at the time was different. We weren’t close, but we got along. They knew I loved them and I knew they loved me. But it’s not like we were able to just have conversations...
Driveway
My driveway is a reminder that good things are always a step outside (literally). I feel like I have some of the best memories and best conversations on my driveway. It’s that place I go late at night with friends since my parents don’t usually approve of me going out late. It’s where I can hang out with guy friends without my parents minding since it’s right outside....
Chuck's on Tuesday.
Sigh. Car troubles and such have prevented me from spending some quality time with my dad. I don’t know what happened to the Tahoe but in the end, taking it to the shop came to a total of $1,200… which is pretty much my dad’s whole paycheck. We were supposed to get lunch together on his day off and spend some time before I go back to school since I don’t plan on coming back...
Usually, whenever I’m not feeling up to par, I’m able to write and clear my thoughts. At this point, I’m realizing that I’m so messed up I don’t even know how to fix myself. Times like this, I really dislike how everything in my mind likes to contradict itself. I look at things with more than one perspective, and although that helps me understand other people and...
Diary.
I have two diaries that I just stopped writing in and moved onto a new one. Time to put them in my memory box and I think I need a new one. For a while. Just something personal.
The last few pages of my most recent diary are all messed up. They had tears on them. The last time I really wrote in my diary was when Lola passed away. I miss you Lola.
Wondering.
Do you ever have those moments where you wonder why God brought you here? You see all these people that look better than you, are smarter than you, or are more talented than you, and you wonder, “What am I good at? Why am I here?” or is that just me? In 10 years from now, I’ll be 28. I wonder what my life will have amounted to, which friends will be by my side, and what kind of...
Chat Roulette
Damn, I don’t know why we do these things. But it was so fun. I swear we were on there for an hour or so from 12:30-1:30AM and out of all the people we saw, only a few were interesting. Luckily, we had more funny encounters rather than encounters with dicks. Some people assumed we were Japanese; they were usually white so we insulted them back. They laughed at our jokes as we laughed at...
I don't want break to end but...
I’m excited for my second semester of college to start. I’m excited to be surrounded by new people again, even if it means I’m virtually nobody. I’m still paving my way when it comes to school, but that doesn’t mean I’m not excited. I’m loving vacation. I’m loving spending so much time with my family and high school friends. But I feel like my life...
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Senior Year Planner
Dear me 10 months into the future,
Hi! But you’ll never be able to return the greeting, sadly. I’m writing you a letter as I quietly sit in Lundeberg’s class… how familiar feeling (except this time I talk to people).
So, you’re all outta love high school, so lost without you it. JK. Air Supply humor. But really! OK, high school may be officially over, but...
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Missing puzzle piece.
I’m waiting for my brother to finish getting ready so we can leave the house and I’m still listening to Katy Perry. Teenage dream is playing and that line, “I’ve finally found you, my missing puzzle piece” kind of stood out to me. This year, since I’ve decided to remain single as my resolution, I just want to say that no significant other should be...
Just a sometimes friend.
Do you ever notice how much we take advantage of each other’s friendships?
We don’t have the best relationship because of how we treated each other during freshman year—me acting as if I were your girlfriend or forcing you to open up to me even if you didn’t want to, and you constantly leading me on—and I’m somewhat surprised we’re even still friends. We...
Her.
I had another dream about her (for the third time) and in my dream I went to their house with her oldest son and we went to their house despite the awkwardness. Her middle son left right away, so I sat on the couch talking to her. I told her my side of the story and well, I told her everything. She told me everything she knew as well. I was so open and willing to tell her everything so...
Updating my FAFSA
So I went in my mom’s room around 10 to ask her for my parents SSN, but she didn’t know my dad’s. I was gonna leave but she wanted me to hang out for a while. We started talking about how I wasn’t going to get financial aid anyway, because last year my parents made too much money to qualify for anything and now my dad’s got a stable job which means they’ll be...
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2012.
I’m starting this year off realizing that I don’t actually need anybody. I went from thinking some people mattered, that people were temporary, thinking of forever, and now, back to believing people are temporary. Out of sight, out of mind. That’s how a lot of people are and that’s how a lot of my friendships ended. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not so shrewd that I...
December 2011
47 posts
1 tag
bffabmbabs + bffwcsmp
The great thing about having a best friend is when they become a part of your family.
It’s so fun knowing I have this best friend that I can hang out with 24/7, literally. Sometimes we get tired of each other and run out of things to say, but we always know how to have fun or silly moments when we’re together. He’s really like my brother. He hangs out with my family even if...
Feeling Different
I think for the first time in my life, I really am becoming independent. As a kid, my actions were influenced by my parents, cousins, and grandparents. In middle school and high school, I did things because of my peers. And for a good part for my first semester of college, I didn’t put myself out there because I wanted to make time for a guy; once we weren’t together anymore, I still...
2 tags
I need
to start waking up earlier or to at least step outside of my room in the mornings. I haven’t seen my dad since Tuesday, and I feel guilty that I’m not utilizing the time I have at home to see him. He works from noon all the way until 11 at night or even later. And at nights I’m either at my cousins house or in my room. I really need to start stepping out of my room… but...
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Highlights of 2011
December 2010 - January
My first kiss.
The only relationship that mattered.
Last semester of high school!
Sneaking off campus.
Being lazy and having the easiest schedule.
Elisha & The Skanks in Econ.
February
The first time someone made me feel special on Valentine’s Day.
Quince practices at Nicole’s house.
March
Nicole’s quince!
Hazel & Hung got their...
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before the year ends.
Wednesday
Chuck’s with a bunch of Hispanics. I’m going back to my roots!
Shenanigans such as helping Jorge’s cousin cross the boarder.
Clean my room & bathroom?
Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire.
Thursday
Catch up with that Hmong girl, Mai.
Zumba @6:30-7:30.
Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix.
Friday
Write the third part of my story.
Make spring...
Dreams
I used to have the most bizarre and interesting dreams. I’d dream about having super powers constantly. I’d always have the ability to move things at my will, or create things even if not possible. Sometimes I’d have talking pokémon in my dreams. Nobody really came into my dreams and stayed there consecutively (except my English teachers lol). Even my nightmares were interesting...
Christmas Day
I don’t have the holiday spirit anymore. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been home, haven’t watched Christmas movies, or haven’t been going to church in months. But it doesn’t feel like Christmas.
Not going to lie, I think all the excitement I had for Christmas fell apart when my plans had to change. For my family, we celebrate Christmas Eve, and I don’t...
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OMGOMGOMG :'D
I GOT A C IN PSYCHOLOGY. THIS IS A HUGE RELIEF.
I know it’s an easy class and everything, but my professor sucked and midway through the semester I stopped going to class. I did my big paper in two days, and instead of cramming for my final two days before it, I read chapter summaries for like 20 minutes then played Tetris and wrote a short story at like 1-3AM. Seriously. Seriously. This...
boys I need.
Frankly, it was good to have said everything I needed to say to get off my chest. And I’m hoping once again, it’ll be the end of my nightmares. And it opened my eyes to show me that there’s no hope for us at this point in time. Good. Because hope was dangled in front of me last month, and then snatched away. But this time, I know better. I know a lot better. How a person talks to...
1 tag
Straightforward
I wonder why people get into relationships if they don’t mean to take them seriously. Like really, it’s so unfair to the other person. I did that once, but I didn’t let it drag out for a long time. Once I knew I made the wrong decision, I wanted to let go of it then and there but I felt so guilty, and I shouldn’t have let it drag out the way I did. But with long...
Visiting Lodi High
Now this was different compared to visiting McNair. I went with Jorge and neither of us have never gone to Lodi High, but went there with one purpose: to visit our high school counselor. Once we walked into the counseling office, before we could even ask people where to go, there she was. She greeted us with the biggest hugs and took us into her office where we talked about college for two hours...
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Visiting McNair
It was more bittersweet now compared to ever before. Since graduating, I have gone to McNair four times. Once to speak to Ms. Lawson’s freshman AVID class with a few fellow AVID graduates, another time before leaving off to college, and another time before my coronation. This time was different. This time, a big part of my high school career has been missing from my life. Friday will declare...
4 tags
Story 2 (pt. 2)
It had been a few days since they had met and Sally was moving on from the excitement she felt. No calls, no text messages, nothing at all. The connection she felt seemed for a moment led her to bring up her expectations, only leaving her disappointed. She began looking through her old sketchbooks, finding comfort in her art. Unexpectedly, her cell phone vibrated.
“Sally? This is Adam....
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phone calls.
I’ve honestly forgotten how nice it is to have a long phone call with someone. Even though the conversation may fall here and there, just having someone to talk to while doing things like going on FaceBook is nice. Being able to laugh a little and everything. I don’t have many friends that I can talk to on the phone. Let alone for as long as an hour and a half. Definitely way better...
5 tags
Story 2. (pt. 1)
At a young age, Sally witnessed the marriage of her parents fall apart. What had once seemed like a picture perfect image deteriorated, much like Sally’s childhood. Her father moved out, leaving her with her over-worked mother. Sally quickly fell into a depression, building up walls and closing out the world. She sought out no reason to let anyone in.
Sally’s mother noticed how...
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Being home.
I think it’s when I’m home, that I begin to realize how the little things matter. When I lived at home, I was so lazy to do anything. I never cleaned unless people were coming over, and even though what I consider a messy room is considered clean to most other people, I still think compared to what my parents wanted, I was a slob. But now whenever I’m home, I like to clean...
3 tags
Fall 2011
My first semester is over! I only took 12 units this semester, and one class was remedial, but I have to say I’m pretty happy with this semester. I wish I didn’t have to waste my time on remedial math, but I’m glad I took English 1A and enjoyed it. My professor was awesome, but I was kind of bummed with how little I got to write. Dance Appreciation was fun, and I really enjoyed...
4 tags
Story 1.
The sink water hit his face like bullets made of ice and the restroom that lacked sanity and luster seemed to be equivalent to his own life. His reflection no longer seemed to be filled with the hope and joy that had once illuminated his life. Now, he looked at himself with disgust and pity. In attempts to escape his own reality, he found himself on the road without a destination and only making...
3 tags
6 months.
I remember going to WalMart and playing hide-n-seek with my freshmen and getting a text from Ray, telling me Lola was in the hospital and that she was ailing. I remember not too long after that, I got messages from Ray and Hazel telling me she was gone. All of a sudden, I couldn’t help but fall apart. I just went to my room and couldn’t stop crying and clutching onto my pillows. It...
3 tags
Fresh Flowers
Flowers are pretty, aren’t they? They start off from this little seed, and eventually they sprout into these beautiful creations that people just love to pick and keep. They smell fresh and sweet, just as nature should. We give flowers as gifts to people, kids give them to their parents, teachers, and friends. When we get older, we give and receive flowers to significant others....
2 tags
Letter to God #1
I know I don’t turn to you as often as I should and I know that I only turn to you when I’m feeling hurt. And I know I haven’t gone to church in a really long time, but right now, I need you. I miss being close to you. I really need to go to church more often. There’s a hole in my heart, and I know you’re the only one who can fill the void. I know aside from my little...
twinkle twinkle little star
I wish deleting you from FaceBook made a difference. I wish that deleting you meant I stopped thinking about you. I wish I could stop thinking about our happy past. I wish I could stop thinking about you constantly. I wish I could stop picturing you with someone else, because I know that’s what’s happening. I wish I could just fully accept that you’ve changed and moved on. I wish...
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Like Crazy (SPOILER!)
Tonight Julie, Natalie and I had a movie marathon. We watched Mean Girls, 5050 (I fell asleep, so I’m gonna have to re-watch it) and Like Crazy.
(SPOILER!) Like Crazy was a different movie than I had expected. It’s about a long-distance relationship between a girl from Britain (Anna), and a boy from L.A. (Jacob). Anna studied abroad in L.A. and once they met, they began to fall in...